The Home

Beth knew she moved in too early.  But it was the only decent apartment complex around.  The underground parking sold her on it.  New England winters can be rough.  Not having to shovel snow or clean off the car was inticing.  But, she didn't know what she would get herself into. Until.

Fats and Nosy could always be found on the gazebo in "their" chairs.  They even had one for their dog.  They were more than anxious to delve into anyone's personal life.  Beth didn't know that then.  She was a private person.  Preferring very small groups and definitely not comfortable in a gossip circle. 

"Nope, not for me.  Never has been.  It always turns mean."

After listening to so much needless gossip she decided to find out just who the culprits were.  Management?  The Home residents?  Or both?

So, she decided to spread a few rumors.  Give it a week or so to see what came back to her.  The management told things they definitely should not have.  She wondered what they said about her.  She hoped it was good.

The rumors were about the single men.  Beth was still single. She knew it would work.

While in the hall, she was chatting with one man.  Management called him into the office.  Beth wondered if the resident would be spanked.  Only last week she had asked if the man had a roommate.  Management assured her two names were on one lease. The man said otherwise.

She felt that the man was being told she had inquired about his 'living arrangement.'  Now if the man came out from the management office and left quickly, she would know.  If not, management didn't drop the dime. After all, she and the man had been in a deep discussion, something the man wanted to share with her. He wasn't finished the conversation.

The man wouldn't even look at Beth.

"Okay, got to get ready for work," he said.

 He still had four hours to go before he had to leave.  Beth knew his schedule like clockwork.

She decided to have even more fun.  She would draw the man in further.

"Pop outside, I have a question for you?"

The man was only to eager to find out what was going on. He looked edgy.

"Do you think you can trust her, that woman in management?"

"Yes, I think so," said the man.

It was only the other day he said otherwise.

Now Beth knew. She would set up the next scene. She couldn't wait.

The Community Room

"She what?"

"OMG!"

"Well, they all have a part in this, ya know.  Nosy, Mouthy, Angry."

They feed on one another's chemistry.  They all want to be in charge.  Nose and Mouthy would do anything for you.  Angry would, if it didn't interfer in his day.  Chemistry does that.  Of course, most drones do not know that.  They do, think what they have been taught.  Like all of us.  That is, until the door opens slightly.  They see the light.  Like Plato's Parable Of The Cave.  The age old question. Is it better to be in the dark?

Now we each have to decide whether we are fully ready for the light.  It isn't a judgment.  It is more of a time table.  We progress, regress, time out, progress.  You get the idea.  I've been in the time out, regression mode lately myself.  I think Beth would agree.

"The thing that gets me is that the drama queen doesn't even live here," said Beth.

Her male friend says she doesn't, she says she does.  Their stories differ on everything.  Someone isn't telling the truth here.  But does it matter.  Not one single bit.  It makes for interesting fodder, though.

Truth is apparently subjective.  The common denominator here is self-righteousness.  They are as self-righteous as hell for the most part.  Others come and go.  They can't stand the stuckness.  But they do miss the gossip.  I have to laugh because most of us do, too.  Be honest now.  Do you?

First it was the missing newspaper.  Then the missing figurine. Then lawyer who surrendered his license mysteriously who helps everyone.  The two obese married people one of whom, Nosy. Mouthy is single, too. They spy and report people.  They will also help you if you need it.  They just want to be needed and in charge. Mouthy is hard to take any time unless you can suffer through her shrill voice. She is an in-yer-face Liza Doolittle before the adjustment.  And smart.

Then there is the former tenant found sleeping in the bathrooms at night.  When she was outed, I found her in her car one morning.  I thought she was sick.  She asked me not to out her.  Then it was the old Mercedes conveniently parked here night after night.  The Property Manager refused to call the police on the individual.  She didn't much like her job.  Did the bare minimum.  Smokes like a factory.  Intense.  I liked her immediately.  She is a dowser so there is some kind of energy in her.  She is afraid to say.  Anything.  Keeps to herself.  Doesn't trust a soul.  Something is up. She won't be here long.

Then it was the parade of single men.  Desperate, lonely, poor social skills, obvious.  Dwellers.  Little to offer.  Giving me more than indigestion.  I have lots of ginger tea in the pantry now. The drama queen's male friend is one of them.  So is the Addictor.

But these people aren't less lonely than the 90 percent who don't frequent the Community Room.  They have just built up a chemistry that pulls them in.  It is more than fascinating.

It is The Community Room.  At night.

Storylines and Truth

Going to the movies used to be the best.  Until the staff starting the illegal searches. They want everyone sick.  I checked out a new theatre which according to the manager only did searches IF someone looked like they were carrying lots of food for a large family.

I watched the marvelous film, The Life of Pi. All the way home, I kept thinking about the story lines we tell.  Even after all these years, I am still coming to terms with what happened.

Sometimes the pain of an event, many events, is just too difficult to handle.  Even though I believe people become amnesiacs because they can not handle the truth given the emotional state they are in, when this happened to me, I went into denial, then blocked out years of my life. 

I'm not going into what happened, no one needs to know but me.  What I will say is that seeing this film today, alone, because the universe wanted it that way, opened up a trunk load of memories.  It also opened and moved me forward because when we are ready to tell the truth about what happened, only then, can we heal.

I believe the universe presents a variety of obstacles and experiences we need.  Otherwise, we would not be having them.  I can't explain all of them but there are a few I can.

This is a precious time in which we are living.  So much is being revealed.  I am more than ready.  I hope you are as well.

What If

What if the world in which you were societalized was a mere Truman Show?  Everything, well most everything you have been taught was a form of brain washing.   Now that you are squirming in your seat, feeling uneasy, you want to leave.  This is just too, too close.  You don't want to get out of your comfort zone.

For starters, you have been programmed.  Educated by what THEY want you to know.  Your education has been pointedly limited.  You are a drone.  Worker bee.  You could be dangerous with a little knowledge.  About what THEY are really doing.

Come on.  You've been funding them for years.  Taxes they call them.  Ransom!  Tell me when this has been a government of the people?  Not in my lifetime.  I suspect not in yours as well. 

Did you really believe the founding fathers had your best interest at heart?  Consider them.  We any of them 'of the people'?  Were they all aristocratic types, wealthy, owned slaves? 

Now we have segued to the government of the corporations.  The Supreme Court reminds us that corporations have personhood.  In some societies, nature has personhood.  But not the recessive United States.  Money matters.  People don't.

End of comment.

Tex

Early on, Beth suspected something that just didn't seem right.  You know, that little voice in the back of your head that says something is amiss, disjointed, dangerous.  She wish she had listened.

At first, he was friendly, kind, compassionate.  He was also quiet, distant and at times seemed a little drunk.  It wasn't just the rolling of the tongue, it was more. 

He'd been through a couple of marriages. More than smart, licensed to fly helicopters, Cessna's commercial, only.  Everything she liked, he liked as well. But he was a smoker.  Liked to drink, too.  He made Beth the strongest Marguerita on the planet. And that was after she split the Marguerita with two friends and had a third of the mixture he had prepared for her.  Out on the terrace.  Under the gazebo.

Nearly ever time she would be outside, this neighbor would be on his deck.  She dreaded the sound of the slider.  His focused eyes always followed her.

Then she started seeing him in the halls, morning, noon and night.  Her evening stroll to pick up the mail almost always guaranteed she would run into Tex.  Long, tall and lanky.  He's left the hat in Texas but not the tees.  He must own fifty of them. 

"Everything's better in Texas."

It wasn't until he mentioned his latest divorce.  Number two out of two.  He wanted the first divorce; an intolerable woman.  His daughter reinforced that.  Divorce number two was his wife's doing.  She said it was a co-dependency thing.  Beth had seen that before.

She had met another man of the co-dependent style.  Had no personality of his own.  Even followed her around the store.  He was more than a pest.  He was annoying!  His identity, sadly was wrapped around every single woman he met.  He would take nearly anyone not to be alone.  He had no hobbies, no interests that she could tell.

Tex could have been his brother.  That is, until the stalking began.  Beth knew it was time to end whatever he was anticipating.

Sunshine

There is a darkness looming.  It goes deeper than most can imagine.  The American taxpayer gets the bill.  As always.  They write about it, make movies about it.  It goes on for years.  Busy.  Busy.

The national debt goes higher.  It is like a plague.  I can't shake it.  It is bigger than I.  I want to escape.  Create the world where people see one another's essence not their political party, their sexuality, their colors, height or societal beauty.  We see friends.  Love.  Similarities.

This white noise never stops.  Since the beginning of this month, I have tinnitus.  I can't quiet it any more.  I never did a good job of that in the first place.  A constant, continual reminder.  It could be a whole lot worse. 

It is the constant chatter, the storyline that plays in our heads.  24-7.  I couldn't have asked for a better reminder.  It reminds me that darkness is looming everywhere.  Not just in the United States Government, but in the corporations supported by our government.  Individual and collective greed, power, lust for the dollar.  I don't get it.

But.  The clock is ticking.  It isn't how I want to spend my life.  Far too much time has been wasted.  Meaningless thoughts that plague the collective soul.  We take it.  We are angry.  We do nothing.

The light inches its way on the horizon.  Hope is within reach.  I go inside.  It is quiet there.  I've missed that.  My own personal meditation retreat.  At home. 

Sunshine awaits.

Fantasyland: No Rules, Constraints or Restrictions

She was always the daughter who listens. Mom wasn't know for her happiness.  Nor was she know for the lack of filter between her mouth and brain. Opinionated. Her words were piercing.  Especially to a sensitive Scorpio.  But there was a lot she liked about her.  That was where she preferred to be.  In the liking place. So that is where she went for much of her life.

Fantasyland.  It's a  good place. Why not stay there?  Especially if you truly believe the gobbledygook that goes through the average human mind about others.  They say our thoughts are repetitive ones.  That 95% of what we are thinking today we thought yesterday.  Can we be dullards?  The mirror is close.

Beth has a friend she can say anything to.  And she sure isn't one to do that.  But honesty comes with age. She could never tell her family what she really thinks.  Half would admonish her for saying that in the first place.  They wouldn't want to hear.  It might upset their world. Of course, they wouldn't hesitate sharing their honesty with her.  A double standard.

The other half...well, they just don't get it.  A recent conversation with a family member was that there was no depression in our parents. Beth wonders if they were raised in the same household?  Dad was more than depressed.  But you wouldn't know because you escaped.  Beth stayed at home.  Family mattered.  Mom was angry, probably depressed, I mean who wouldn't be with an emotionally and physical unavailable husband? He was never home.  Never.  You did it all, Mom.  You always did.  Angry.  And more than talented.

Beth thinks about the past.  How she got to be who she is.  She thinks about the present.  Grateful to even things out a bit more. She thinks about the future and it doesn't matter.  She likes that the present matters.  Lots. 

Fantasyland draws closer.   There are things she would like. But she is aware of one thing.  It won't be found within the context of family.  It might be found within the context of friends.  That is, if they allow her to be who she is.  Still, she would prefer to have it with family. And she wonders why she can't.People are who they are.


"Today is going to be a great day for you, Scorpio. You aren't one to embrace rules, constraints, or restrictions of any kind, preferring instead to reside in a fantasy world where no limitations apply. Have you considered that it's possible for you to join the rest of us here on Earth and still retain your liberty and ideals."
Yup, Beth likes it here. Liberty and ideals.  They reside there, too. 

What Really Happened With Sandy

So what really happened with Hurricane Sandy?

There are several sites on this link.  What do you think?

http://weatherwars.info/