Falling

And then the e-mail came.  It was from her friend in New Hampshire.  She couldn't understand why I left the mountains.  Yet the nightmares continued. 


"It was simply just time to go.  I did what I needed to do there. A friend sent me a note once thanking me for all I did in the county.  He saw something in me I hadn't seen."

"I mean, with all the UFO activity there and your encounter.  Why leave?"

"Like I said, something inside told me I had accomplished what I needed there.  Something greater was pulling me here.  It was like the university was opening to everything. And another thing.  I never felt pulled into the community and I don't know why.  Maybe it is the way I tell the truth and people just can't, aren't ready to hear it.  I am revisiting that."

"Oh, I can't imagine that.  I love your honesty, fresh and pure.  And that laugh.  Geeze."

"I still look back with nightmares.  The isolation was almost unbearable.  I was done six years ago but it wasn't time to move on.  That is the way it is with me, a day late and a dollar short."

"We have the experiences we need.  That is why we have them."

"Yeah, yeah.  Can you feel my gratitude? But here is the kicker, the clarity I am getting, the raw honesty of it all, relationships, my garden, my house...all so much more clear.  I am truly grateful for that.  I also feel more honest and true with my life here.  Even this apartment, it is me.  This stage of me."

A dear professor friend wrote to say how much she missed our horseback riding.  The talks that would last for hours.  That her body wouldn't cooperate and allow her to continue to teach her Pilates classes. Wanting more of a community.  She is on her way.  I miss her.Before I left I gave her my horse jacket.  She had tears in her eyes.  She admired the jacket every time I wore it.  I couldn't think of a better person to wear it.

It was late and time to sleep.  The shadow appeared again last night.  I couldn't sleep.  Tossing and turning all night.  The vibrational change.  All the things to look forward to, my new friends, my dear friends who keep in touch.  Even my extended family.  What a joke but that is nothing new. People do what they do."

A heaviness filled the air.  Many were having difficulty breathing.  It isn't just COPD, people are gasping in their own thoughts.  The chemicals.  All too toxic.  But just as it seemed this would never change, a fresh clip of air filled the ocean and most of the eastern states.  Fall was in the air.